For this task I have decided to look at the expectation vs. the reality of sex. I wanted to research into this topic because I wanted to know if there was an expectation of how the first time would be, and does it ever met the reality. As there are many examples of the first time in books, e.g. fifty shades of grey, Twilight; also in movies and the biggest culprit for creating expectations is Porn, even music lyrics can get hot, with all these platforms showing us the idea that sexual encounters are amazing and out of this world is unrealistic in it’s self, but why do we still try to almost live up to them, to then be disappointed.
I started my research of with a simple Google search. I found a few articles from cosmopolitan, which is one of the main magazines which women turn to for sex advise. One article that stood out to me was ‘8 Expectations Women Are Taught To Live Up To During Sex’. The article is light-hearted but somewhat true, with fact-based answers. This list goes (http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a21482/sex-expectations-of-women/):
1. Shaving/waxing all areas,
2. Coming just from penetration,
3. Getting right down to it without foreplay.
4. Immediate orgasms,
5. Being submissive
6. Uncomfortable lingerie
7. Playing hard-to-get
8. Liking it rough.
The list above are some of the expectations but the list is not about first times it’s a list of maintaining expectations. So as enlightening as that article was, it didn’t really help me answer my question. I started looking into finding research from a professional academic, as they would have done years of research, and I can across an article on ‘The Sexual Expectations of Men and Women’ (http://www.jcomtesexo.ca/sexual_expectations_of_men_and_w.htm)
By Jacqueline Comte a sexologist. The article suggests that ‘men and women come to have a different understanding of sexuality and consequently develop different expectations’, like women wanting roman and tenderness, and men wanting to have sex for the sake of sex. It comes down to the psychological thinking that women would feel ‘dirty’ or ‘bad’ because ‘honest’ women shouldn’t like general sexual pleasure. Similarly men who wish to show tenderness are afraid of being perceived as unmanly.
I do agree with the article that men and women have a preconceived notion that they have to behave in a satin way, which puts more pressure on the getting it right the first time. Which also applies to pornography, many guy people use that as a guide and what to recreate what they see, but they forget that what they watch isn’t real and sex is something you get better at it in time, but knowing what you like and don’t like.
Why researching I looked for movie and if there were any types of movie that relate to the topic. I found a couple film like ‘The spectacular now’ and ‘the First Time’, both movies are a coming of age movie, where ‘the spectacular now’ is more of an emotional personal film witch follows one character and his ins and outs. But ‘the first time’ is more relatable as it is able the first time and the ‘awkward’ moment that comes with it. As much as I enjoyed the film and though it did show a truer representation of the first time would be like, it is a Hollywood film and the situation they find themselves in wouldn’t really happen and the emotion shown would be slim to none, if in the real world.
I also came across the 10 best and worst sex scenes in movies, which I thought was interesting because these are the references we go by and each one in unrealistic but yet we still what to be as good as them, complying to the cultivation Theory and the more these books, movies and Tv shows, show these amazing sexual encounters the harder it will be, not to be disappointed.
Overall when it comes to the expectation and the reality I believe the first time will always be a disappointment/awkward, unless you end up being with someone that is just simply amazing (one in million). As long as movies/books/porn is around we will have expectations and the fantasy of sex being out of this world, will happen with more experience and less expectations. For young teens researching about what will really happen and how to handle the situation is a much better way to prepare then watching a hundred porn videos for guys and girls put the fifty shades down. Lastly I found an article that is a good first step in the right direction. http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/q-and-a/a811/first-time-sex/